


Just Listen to Him

by Lieju



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Fluff, Interspecies Romance, M/M, Pre-Relationship, just a fluffey fluff thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 16:33:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19398049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lieju/pseuds/Lieju
Summary: In which Doctor Doofenshmirtz decides to find out what Perry the Platypus means with all those 'krtrtrtr's.





	Just Listen to Him

Doofenshmirtz waved at the small device on a podium: “Behold! The Translatorinator!”

Norm poked his head out of the kitchen. “Are you talking to me, Sir?”

“No of course I'm not talking to you! Why would I talk to _you_?”

“It's just the two of us in the whole apartment,” Norm pointed out. “I see, you're playing with your dolls again.”

“Nooo,” Doofenshmirtz eyed Pretendy the Practicepus carefully set on the couch where it had kept Doofenshmirtz company when he was catching up on his soaps. “It's just the force of _habit_. This device is not the main scheme of today that one is in the corner there, giving off the scent of vaguely spoiled _milk_. This thing here is something we don't let Perry the Platypus know about!”

He slipped the small device in his ear. “This will translate any monotreme speech to English, German, _or_ Portuguese. I've been practicing _meu portugues_. Maybe I'll try that out later.

I bet if I can understand his little 'krtrtrt' sound I can get some juicy info.”

“Like what, Sir?”

“I don't know! Like O.W.C.A. secrets, embarrassing childhood backstories, lottery numbers- who knows what he keeps saying, thinking I don't understand."

Doofenshmirtz shooed Norm back to the kitchen. “And _stay_ there- Perry the Platypus will be arriving any moment now-”

In fact he could hear today's trap snapping shut just as he spoke. He hurried to the trapped platypus.

“Perry the Platypus, how _nice_ of you to drop in. Do you like the trap? Made from milk cartons. Recycling.”

The agent glared at him and let out a growl from his milk carton house.

The earpiece piped in: “ _Good morning, Heinz_.”

Doofenshmirtz turned away to keep the agent from noticing the surprised smile on his face.

He had called him 'Heinz'. That was unexpected. (And when he said unexpected he meant- well that he had never really thought much about what Perry the Platypus called him in his mind.)

Doofenshmirtz turned to gesture at his inator. “So, yesterday I was making some hot cocoa after that whole Icecubinator incident- by the way I did manage to keep all my toes, still don't have feeling in most of them, so thanks. Frost bite is nothing to laugh at!”

“Krtrtrt.”

“ _I'm sorry_ ,” the mechanical voice informed Doofenshmirtz.

He did care!

Doofenshmirtz reminded himself he couldn't afford to be soft now. Still it was nice to know Perry the Platypus cared.

“And my milk was completely spoiled! Even though the expiration date is _tomorrow_. And yes I know I forgot the carton in the car for a few days- Never mind that, the smell was _terrible_ , and it inspired me to build this! Behold!” He gestured at the inator on the balcony. “ _The Milk-Spoilinator!_ I will use this to spoil _all_ milk in the entire TRI-STATE-AREA!”

He turned to Perry who was politely beholding the invention.

“It's powered by spoiled milk. Of course I had to buy it fresh so I think... it might be a bit ineffective... I should be able to get _one_ or two shots out of this though. So maybe less 'All milk in the Tri-State-Area' and more... A bowl of cereal or two will be _completely_ ruined! Also now that I think about it I don't... Really _know_ how this will help me take over anything. I was sort of preoccupied with- with something else. So this is one of my backburner schemes to be _perfectly_ honest-”

Perry let out a sighing 'Krtrtrt'.

The inator in Doofenshmirtz's ear translated: “ _Fuck, why do I love you so much?_ ”

Doofenshmirtz froze. That couldn't have been-

He was snapped back to reality by a tiny webbed foot hitting him in the face. In hindsight, milk cartons weren't particularly sturdy. He really should have seen this coming.

He stumbled backwards. “Hey hey hey! Time-out!”

Perry stood up with a questioning look on his face.

“Krtrtrt?”

“ _Are you okay?_ ”

Doofenshmirtz waved his hands. “I'm- I'm just thinking. Hm.”

“Krtrtrtr.”

“ _Sometimes I really wonder about my taste in men_.”

Doofenshmirtz staggered to the inator. “You know what I'm still feeling a bit under the weather after yesterday, and I don't think this scheme is going anywhere so- Let me take care of this for _you-_ ”

With a press of a button, the device exploded, leaving only a slightly unpleasant stink and a layer of soot behind.

“So. Curse you Perry the Platypus!” Doofenshmirtz waved awkwardly.

Perry saluted. “Krtrtrt.”

“ _See you tomorrow. I love you._ ”

Doofenshmirtz was thankful for the layer of burnt dairy on his face. It was hopefully enough to hide his blush.

He watched the platypus fly away.

So.

This had been. _Informative_.

A smile tugged at his lip.

Very much so.


End file.
